This doesn't mean anything (unless it is GOOD news).

I have a history of being mean to myself.  Sometimes I tell myself lies in my mind and I have done some damage over the years.

I am making efforts to repair the damage, in a DIY fashion.  I am trying to be friends with the voice in my head to have more of a dialogue with her, instead of letting her bossiness dominate and impact my day.  I greet her.  I acknowledge her tendency to drag me down, then dismiss her and her dead weight downerness on my day.

Today I went to the gym, came home and realized my boys were leaving for a fishing trip and the grass needed to be mowed before garbage day tomorrow.  I love mowing the grass, so I wasn't totally bummed to realize this duty would be left up to me until I got the mower from the shed to the edge of the grass.  I was already a sweaty mess from the gym, so I knew a shower was on the docket, but mowing the grass at 8 am in Southern Utah during monsoon season??  Really?  I was drenched!  (But the yard looks fantastic)!!

So, to my point.... I finally made it to the shower!

As I made my way to the scale to weigh myself as I do before every shower, the conversation began.  You know, the one with Miss Bossy.  But guess what?  I started it!  I initiated the conversation, which I have never noticed happening before!  COULD THIS BE PROGRESS?

Here is what I said, "This doesn't mean anything unless it is good news."  :)

It took a few minutes to absorb the impact, but it was a literal vibe that went clear through me.  The typical scenario is that I get on the scale and "know it all" has to tell me all of the reasons that the illuminated numbers are so undesirable.  Not this time!!!  If it was good news, then I would embrace it and celebrate the progress, BUT if it wasn't good news, I was totally prepared to fully dismiss it and make nothing of it.  I was holding on to the power of my mind!

This got me thinking about the relationship between her (my lower level brain) and me, the real me, (my higher level brain).  How often do I cave and let her win?  Maybe she is tired of the competition.  Maybe she wants someone to be nice to her.  Maybe we are taking steps towards a truce.  Maybe she just wants a friend.  Maybe if I make her my friend, she will soften and actually be nice back to me.

I am sure the dialogue will continue.  When you share a space, like with a roommate, it is tough not to talk to each other.  But today was big.  The timid one who usually takes it from every angle found a voice and set the tone.  She responded.  She quieted.  I got to choose my thoughts and who was going to be the boss of them.

A simple win.  I'll take it!

And by the way...  It did mean something... it was good news! ;)