The Space Between Stimulus and Response
RECOVERING FROM PAST CHOICES or PREPARING FOR THE FUTURE?
"In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words, our actions; we can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon."
- Stephen R. Covey
Did you know there is space there?
I ran the Pocatello, Idaho Marathon in 2010. It wasn’t my best experience and I didn’t set a PR. The tagline of the race, RUN THE GAP, made me think of the topic of this post. “The Gap” as referred to in the marathon was the valley between mountains that we ran between in a beautiful green valley. I remember fields, cattle, chilly weather, wide-open space, a beautiful blue sky and perfect running conditions, including a sprinkle of rain.
“The Gap” I want to reference today is a different gap, more of a mental gap. By definition, a gap is an “unfilled space or interval; a break in continuity.” The continuity that is interrupted is intuitively the automatic behavior between a stimulus, or a situational circumstance, and an instinctual, lizard brain response. Between a stimulus and a response is a “gap” that took me many years to become aware that it even existed. Now that it has been identified and brought to my attention, it is a gap the size of the Poky marathon valley.
The interesting thing about this mental gap is that though it is invisible, it can stop time, change lives, and shift outcomes. Stephen R. Covey described it this way: “In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words, our actions; we can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.”
A priceless life lesson this equates to is that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we choose to handle it. Choosing our thoughts is liberating. Choosing our feelings is empowering. Choosing our values and principles is life giving. Putting it all together what makes the DNA of our character. Do we take the opportunity to pause just long enough to make use of the space and allow the the prefrontal cortex to govern our decisions, or do we rely on our lizard brain to govern with our fight or flight response?
Ignoring space in the gap eliminates our option and the freedom to choose. It clears out the option to be proactive and the only option left is to be reactive. It removes the valley and places the two mountains, stimulus and response, side by side with no options of rivers, fields, sprinklers and cattle that make the journey pleasant. WE CAN CHOOSE!
Did you know that a simple pause can make all the difference?
When my children were small, I repeatedly taught them to choose their consequences before they choose their actions. Every action has a consequence, whether it be positive or negative, Outcomes are inevitable. Every choice also has a trade-offs and an opportunity cost.
Impulsive spending eliminates the space. The stimulus is present and the responsive purchase follows so quickly, there is not time to consider the tradeoffs, consequences or opportunity cost. Resisting the impulse enough to pause to consider options requires higher level executive thinking skills. To engage in high level thinking, awareness is key. Perhaps this is one of the most helpful things we can teach the young people in our lives who readily respond to their lizard brains as a default responder.
My Takeaway
Owning the ability and opportunity to choose opens doors to experiencing life in ways I didn’t experience much until my late 30s. Since putting this into practice, I have recognized a new perspective that has drastically lightened and brightened my life. If my thoughts aren’t serving me, if I am not feeling a way I want to feel, if I am not acting how the person I want to become would act, or if I am not getting the results I want, I recognize that I have the power and ability to simply let it go. The way I want to be defined as a human being is as someone who owned the opportunity to control my outcomes by maximizing the space and choosing joy!
